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Talking to my fake son

February 28, 2012

I watched Inception earlier today, which reminded me of how I saw that movie at least three times in theaters. I figured there are some movies which grip a nation’s youth so much that they can’t help but go spend money on it more than one. I thought about my future son and the equivalent movie for him. Then I had this conversation with him in my head:

“Hey pops (I will make him call me this), can I get some money to see Poop Chutes III: Day of Reckoning?”

“What? Didn’t you see that movie twice already?”

“Um…yeah, but it’s my favorite movie of all time! Nic Cage is gonna get an Oscar for his role as the grandpa, and Willow Smith–what are you doing?”

“Whipping my hair back and forth. Get it?”

“No. You don’t even have hair.”

“Here. Take the money. Go. Just go.”


The moral of this story is, I am lonely and talking to people who don’t exist. Why don’t you, dear reader, send me a question that you want answered? It can be about sports because I know a lot about that and am willing to research what I don’t know. It can be advice, I think I could do a good advice column. It can be a disgusting but compelling would you rather? It could be whatever you fancy, dear, hopefully real reader. Just please send something. I crave your letters and questions. Leave them in the comments, send a facebook message, I don’t care how you interact with me so long as you do.

  1. Molls Balls permalink

    I believe you once wrote a dissertation on Marxism in Dr. Seuss books. Care to share your thoughts on this? I’ve always been intrigued.
    I was also hoping you could help us all to understand the question plaguing our minds: IS Sig Chi on the rise?

    • Banana permalink

      I’m also still a little shaky on the concept of Marxism in Dr. Seuss books. More clarification on this would be greatly appreciated.

  2. How would you describe Pablo Sandoval’s weight using libelous hyperbole and exaggeration?

  3. Molls Balls' Balls permalink

    What would be worse? Reaching into your pants in the morning only to find out a mouse with a 7 inch tail has been occupying your pants for the last 4 hours, and has had babies who now occupy your mattress, or watching a 6 hour documentary on the hardships Dan Montgomery has gone through in his life?

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