Sharks win; Introducing the Playoff Beard Tracker
The Stanley Cup Playoffs, the most exciting postseason in professional sports, began yesterday with three games, and with it began the traditional growing of playoff beards. The internetter who is too lazy to Google things can only speculate as to the genesis of this tradition. Perhaps it is rooted in superstition, as each player’s face goes unshaven until their team is eliminated. Perhaps the players allow excess matter to grow so that, in the spirit of intensified competition, they may literally give more of themselves to the team effort.
Whatever its origin, the tradition has taken a firm hold. Every player participates, as well as some of the more devoted fans. I decided to join them this year, deluding myself as many others do in thinking that it somehow makes me more like the players than you, the masses. It’s also a fine opportunity to see how well I can grow facial hair. If my beard comes in full, I can rest assured of my masculinity, and by extension my ability to break things with my fist, rule island nations cruelly, sire hundreds of children, clean up a lawless Old Western town, walk without a jacket in the rain and appreciate Monty Python’s brand of humor.
Without further ado, I give you the 2012 Playoff Beard Tracker.